“sobbing, omg screaming, literally dead” I type as I sit straight-faced and completely devoid of visible emotion in front of my laptop
knifefarty: if i had the power to control time i would probably just use it to sleep more
mew-squared: In 2009, a man married a video game character In 2007, a woman married the Eiffel Tower In 2008, a man married a life-sized doll Also in 2009, a woman married a roller coaster And in 2005, a woman married a dolphin please explain to me why people still say that gays shouldnt be able to be married to preserve the sanctity of marraige
rnedia: trying to argue with someone over text is like being italian and having to talk with handcuffs on
voldemort was real dumb make your horcrux like one brick in some random ass house in turkey whos gonna look there
homleschapel: summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell
baby-pigeon-in-the-trench-coat: spainstateofmind: thebadwolf: Fun party trick: put Skittles and M&M’s in the same bowl, wait for someone to grab a handful. you can go fuck yourself my mum did this and didnt tell anyone so when my sister put a bunch in her mouth she spat them out and started crying and now she has trust issues
meaganliving asked: Disclaimer: I am not a little shit!
My visit to get screened for cancer:
Nurse: "Sorry your boyfriend couldn't wait for you in the waiting room, it makes women feel uncomfortable."
Me: "He wasn't my boyfriend and I don't see how it would make them uncomfortable, but that's my opinion. He was here for moral support. I understood, and so does he."
Nurse: "So he's your...."
Nurse: (During the question asking) "How many sexual partners have you had?"
Nurse: "How old were you when you first became sexually active?"
Me: "....Loaded question but....14, I guess."
Nurse: "You're sexually active, then."
Me: "Well....I guess...but..."
Nurse: "How many times have you been pregnant?"
Me: "Uh. 0."
Nurse: "O...kayy...-Checks 'condoms' as my preferred use of birth control-"
Me: "I don't use condoms. Or take birth control."
Nurse: "Then how do you avoid getting pregnant?"
Me: "With homosexuality."
Me: "I fuck girls."